Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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