New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
please come you make the beer taste better
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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