You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
