he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
