remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
