Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
