...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
