Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I will be naked everywhere
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
