From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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