I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
