New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
