I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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