My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
