Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
