At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
