Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
