just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
