He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
