I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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