shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My ass is underappreciated
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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