I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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