Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
