your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
