Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
