When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
