I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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