hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
