at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
