I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
