i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
