omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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