ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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