Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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