Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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