Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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