I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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