i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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