??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
