Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
