C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
