i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Hippo gnu deer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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