I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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