I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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