I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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