You can't motorboat a personality
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Welp...herpes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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