I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
