if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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