i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
