Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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