Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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